My apartment is not a large space. 2 bedrooms and a small living room. When I moved to the apartment it was on the tail end of a recent fire. Middle of the summer me and my parents and brother fighting and covered in sweat and stress. Backed out of another apartment and moved here.
The windows of my place fill one wall of my bedroom, in the summer months the windows heat up the entire room, in the winter months the cold air seeps in through the cracks. Every weekend I open the windows and draw back the curtains. In front of the windows I paint and draw and listen to music. Singing along to Bill Callahan.
Outside people meet at the back of the church in the grassy area, one by one they bring their dogs to play while they sit and chat and catch up on the day. In the distance there is a vegetable garden, parents with their kids growing gardens.
I grew up in a semi small town, to those in a small town it would seem like an insult to refer to it as a small town but it felt that way. I don't think nor am I going to wax on about the importance of small town mentalities, but the importance of small spaces is becoming relevant more and more lately to me. The dog park behind a weird church becomes a meeting ground for the neighbors and apartment community. The living room of my brothers boyfriends house becomes a safe space for queer men to gather and discuss. The regular spot at a bar outside is the place friends can let down their guard and open up after a long day.
I started painting again, and in the creation of new images and the repetition of a process I haven't done since Graduating I realize the importance of how these small places influence and activate those processes and actions. I wondered to myself why a family of 3 boys growing up in a conservative town would venture out to pursue a more liberal political ideology. and I think in some degree the small places we carved out with people were an influence. But I would argue that it was the leaving and moving to a place that was bigger that caused the dramatic change. That contrasting of places and ideas influenced discussion in a larger context. It made defending of ideas and beliefs important.
This blog is lacking some sort of substance or importance.
I'm thinking of ideas, of anger and resentment, of hatred and sadness, of contrasting those with the feeling of being good. I said Hi to someone today and it had me thinking about all these things. of pressures of community building, of leaving, of re joining, of life and diverging paths and formations of new communities.